The dictionary tells us that if you miss something, you feel sad because you no longer have it or are no longer doing or experiencing it. During my travels a lot of “do you miss” questions come up in conversation. Do you miss your family and friends? Do you miss the United States? Do you miss any food from home? Then there is the “I miss you” comment, or the “we miss you, don’t you wish you were here with us?” question.
I moved to Poland in February 2020 after being home in Warren, Ohio for a couple of months. During that time I had been going to trivia night with a bunch of girlfriends. One night I stayed up late so I could “join” trivia one night via video chat. This scenario ended the night: The phone got passed around and all the I love you; I miss you’s were said. Near the end of the video chat, someone asked, “Don’t you miss us and wish you were here”? Well, a couple of seconds passed, I didn’t answer, and my friend Teri said, “Look at that face, that tells it all”. All I could do was shrug my shoulders and give a half of a smile. I thought about my response or should I say non-response for a couple of days. Was it snobbish? Does it seem like I don’t like life in Warren/America and the rest of the world is much better? Should I have just given the normal, expected response of, “I miss you too”? No…I know my friends know me better than that. They know I love to travel and it is what I want to do currently. I am living my dream.
The first time I left for an extended period, I went to Paris, France. Honestly, I didn’t miss anything while I was there. I didn’t miss any food from home, I didn’t miss my stuff, I didn’t miss my family or friends. When I arrived back in Warren, Ohio, I discovered more than anything I missed the adventure of living abroad. I seriously missed being gone and soon made plans to move to China. During those first six months and the three and a half years that followed, I thought I missed things, especially cheese. Seriously, more than anything, I missed cheese. This, by the way, is what made me come up with a possible title when I write my book…” No Cheese in China”. I quickly learned that I could live without these things. The things I was seeing, doing, eating, and experiencing far outweighed what I thought I was missing. I also realized that some of my feelings were really FOMO – Fear of Missing Out. Missing out on family and friend’s life events. Missing that wedding, that “special” birthday, that funeral, that birth…but the more I thought about those things the more I knew that my family and friends understood that I could still love them without being geographically near. They know I share in their joys and sorrows. They know I am a text, a Facebook post, an Instagram picture, or a video chat away.
I am getting good at not answering the question at hand. Although, I did once write a blog post, which I did call “No Cheese in China”, about what I would and wouldn’t miss about China. Two things I do miss about China are the food and $6.00 per hour massages. I’m not sure I will be able to eat Chinese food back in the USA, it is nothing like what you eat there. And well, who wouldn’t miss $6.00 massages, unless, of course, you don’t like a massage?
What do I miss? Do I miss my parents? I would be lying if I said yes. Now before you judge, let me explain. I loved my parents dearly, but you always know they won’t be around forever. Yes, in my opinion, mine were gone too soon. In the beginning, you find yourself going to pick up the phone because you want to tell them something, but you can’t. There is always something you wish you would have asked them and now it’s too late. As time goes on, if I’m honest, no I don’t think about them every day. I think about them at random moments…something they would have liked or something reminds me of one of them. For instance, a whiff of Old Spice after-shave worn by a man who passes me in the market can bring a tear to my eye. It can be something unexpected that sparks a memory. So while I have gotten used to them being gone, what I miss is not being able to share an event, a thought, or something funny that happened.
I am sitting here thinking about all the ways I should answer this question, “I miss my parents”, “I miss my brother and Lori”, “I miss my condo”, “I miss my stuff”, “I miss my friends”, “I miss my city”, “I miss my country”, or “I miss my bed”. None of them seem to work for me. Then, I thought about saying that I miss my youth, but I don’t. I wouldn’t want to be twenty-something again. I’m happy where I am right now in my life, although, I do say I think 40ish was a good age.
Now for my final answer…what do I miss? I miss the days when my body didn’t ache when I got out of bed. Or it didn’t take me a few minutes to get my “sea legs” after sitting for a long time. I miss the time when my back didn’t ache after standing at the kitchen counter fixing a meal or washing dishes.
You’ve probably seen the meme that says, “One minute you’re twenty-one, staying up all night drinking beer, eating pizza, and doing sketchy stuff just for fun. THEN in the blink of an eye, you’re fifty (or sixty-one) drinking water, eating salad and you can’t do any sketchy stuff because you pulled a muscle putting on your socks.”
So, lame as it may be…I don’t miss being twenty-one, but I miss how my body looked, felt, and rebounded at twenty-one.
Down the Rabbit Hole 